


Stay Calm Baby

by theianitor



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Babies, Drunkenness, Humor, Kid Fic, M/M, Or Is It?, Overthinking, Panic, drunken logic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 04:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21422338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theianitor/pseuds/theianitor
Summary: It... couldn’t be? Except it had to be. There was no other explanation. A normal child would have cried, or been happy. Kimi, even as a baby, would not care in the slightest. Nothing fazed adult Kimi. Nothing would faze baby Kimi. It made sense.(Sebastian comes home to find Kimi has been turned into a baby.)
Relationships: Kimi Räikkönen/Sebastian Vettel
Comments: 10
Kudos: 79





	Stay Calm Baby

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y'all! :) This was good fun, seriously. XD Inspiration struck and even the title was easy enough to come up with. I wish you all the same. Thanks to J & P for the encouragement. <3 Enjoy!

Sebastian tripped on the sidewalk and snickered to himself as he wound his way up the drive. He hiccupped and started checking his pocket before remembering his key was in his wallet, and dug it out of his other pocket, slapping it against the keypad. The electronic lock was a blessing; there was no way he could have hit a keyhole with his hands, much less with a teeny tiny little key.

Celebrations had gone on for a bit. Maybe it was because it had been a while since there had been anything to celebrate, or maybe it was just that kind of night. Something in the air, maybe the full moon. The champagne and drinks had left everyone feeling giddy and happy, and the party had been a very pleasant event with the first-place trophy in the seat of honor.

Kimi would already be asleep. He’d left the party early, not because he didn’t like to celebrate but just “because”. Sebastian wasn’t sure Kimi had said why, or if he just couldn’t remember. Whatever it was, Kimi hadn’t wanted to ruin the team’s good time with it and he had kissed Seb goodnight looking content, and happy about the win. Seb wasn’t worried.

It wasn’t polite to go making a racket, he thought, leaving the lights off in the hall. Seb shushed himself when the door closed behind him and leaned down to untie his shoes, promptly falling forward. The shoerack dampened his fall and he snickered again, feeling like an idiot and not caring in the slightest. Now he was seated on the floor, and it was much easier to reach his shoes to undo them. Also, he was in a little pile of shoes, so if he just put his on top, nobody could tell he’d tipped the shoerack over. He set to work carrying the plan out.

After struggling to his feet and making his quiet way through the hall, he stopped at the door to the living room. Upstairs was bed and comfort and Kimi. To the left was the kitchen, a nice glass of cold water and maybe a sandwich. He’d just decided to let the sandwich win, since bed and Kimi was at the end of both choices, and took a step into the room.

A sudden noise made him stop. It sounded sort of like a dog toy or something, a short squeal of high-pitched sound, and then quiet again.

They didn’t have a dog.

He looked around slowly, cautiously, his heart beating very fast and feeling like it had jumped up to sit just behind his ear, the noise of it so loud he thought he wouldn’t hear if there was a burglar sneaking around in there.

“Ppbbblltt!”

The noise was sharp and fast and Sebastian couldn’t help but yelp out loud. Now _he_ sounded like a dog toy. Great. The sound had stopped and Sebastian crouched low, moving inch by inch toward the couch, which he thought had been the source of it. Maybe some kind of animal had gotten in? Maybe Kimi was dog-sitting for the neighbors?

He sank down to hide behind the couch, reached up and grabbed the back of it and then slowly raised his head over the edge. If there was some kind of wild creature in there, he didn’t want to come face to face with it and possibly scare it into attacking him.

He looked over the edge and in the moonlight shining in through the window, he saw something beside the coffee table, on the rug in front of the television. A tiny little something, about the size of a mid-size dog. Or a small big dog, he supposed. Only it wasn’t a dog.

It was a baby.

A blond baby, sitting on the rug, playing with some toy cars.

“Eh?” Sebastian said, unable to stop himself. The baby turned around, shifting its whole upper body as to not tip over, still holding one of the toy cars in his fat little hand. His eyes locked on Sebastian, they were a piercing pale blue that almost seemed to glow in the moonlight. He opened his hand to make a grabbing-gesture at Sebastian, and the toy car fell to the floor.

“Ah!” the baby said. His face was impassive. Not smiling, not upset, apparently not surprised to see Sebastian standing there. Sebastian stood up, staring.

“Kimi..?” he said slowly.

“Ah!” the baby said again, making one last grabbing motion with his hand. When Seb didn’t move, he lost interest and went back to his cars.

It... couldn’t be? Except it _had_ to be. There was no other explanation. A normal child would have cried, or been happy. Kimi, even as a baby, would not have cared in the slightest. Nothing fazed adult Kimi. Nothing would faze baby Kimi. It made sense.

Except it didn’t.

“Kimi... what happened?” Sebastian approached carefully, shuffling his feet as to not trip with a small baby so close by. The baby looked up at him again, the same blue eyes and the same piercing stare. It was so easy to see the adult in baby Kimi’s face, with the blond hair, the eyes, and the tiny, pointed nose.

“Kimi oh my god.” Sebastian fell to his knees beside Kimi. His heartbeat seemed to be coming from the top of his scalp now, pulsing down in waves of cold dread. It wasn’t _possible_. Kimi was a baby.

“Ah,” Kimi said.

“Ah...” Sebastian repeated stupidly. “Kimi, what happened, what... what did you do? What... what happened?”

His breathing was becoming quick and he picked Kimi up without thinking. If whatever had turned Kimi into a baby was still around, it wasn’t safe here. They’d have to go. But where?

Baby Kimi made a surprised sound at being hoisted up and away from his cars.

“Kimi, please,” Seb said, feeling the room spin as he stood up much too quickly. “Just stay calm.”

He ran his hand through his hair and then quickly adjusted his grip to hold Kimi more securely. What could possibly have happened? And Kimi couldn’t tell him, of course not; babies couldn’t speak. It could be anything. A curse? Some kind of illness? Wishing on a star to get to do it all over again? _Anything!_

His mind reeling, Sebastian paced back and forth across the livingroom, holding Kimi close to his chest. He’d have to raise him. When he got old enough to speak, he could tell him what had happened! Yes, that would work.

Baby Kimi started garbling out non-words, now making grabbing motions toward the floor again.

“Okay, down, just stay calm, Kimi, just stay calm.” He carefully put Kimi down and the toddler crawled back to his toy cars.

Sebastian swallowed hard. Tiny little baby Kimi. So helpless, maybe not even aware of the bizarre situation they now found themselves in, and still interested in his cars.

“Kimi,” Sebastian said in a sob, sinking to his knees again. “I don’t know what to do...”

“Pppbbbbllllttt!” Kimi made the same sound as before, but this time Sebastian understood it as the roar of an engine, albeit sounding more like someone just blowing a raspberry. Kimi held out the red car for Sebastian.

“Thank you,” Seb said, feeling a strange, strangled feeling and a sudden need to blink a whole lot.

“Seb?”

The voice made him startle, and heavy footsteps made their way down the stairs. There was some fumbling, a soft curse, and then the lights came on.

At the foot of the stairs, dressed only in his underwear and looking like he’d rather be sleeping, stood Kimi.

“Kimi!” Sebastian cried, springing to his feet and tripping backward, landing on the couch. His leg connected with the coffee table and he yelped in pain and pulled it back, almost kneeing himself in the mouth.

“I know you have been to a party but why are you making so much noise?” Kimi grumbled, scratching his chest, still squinting at the light. “Shit,” he added, spotting the baby on the floor.

“Kimi, you’re big?” Sebastian said, trying to stand up again. His hand couldn’t grip the couch for some reason, and he looked down to find himself rolling the little toy car along the cushion with absolutely no grip.

Kimi looked at him curiously, but opted for not asking. He walked over to the baby, who now giggled like he had been caught doing something wrong, but knew he’d be forgiven instantly on account of being very cute.

“Robin, sinä pieni paskiainen...” Kimi said affectionately, picking his son up. Sebastian was staring at them, open-mouthed.

“Minty had a thing to go to so she called me and I picked him up on the way,” Kimi said, “and he gets out of the baby bed.” Robin drove his blue toy car up his father’s arm, making another car-noise.

“Oh,” Sebastian said. The alcohol seemed to be leaving his brain, but was instead focusing its efforts on making his body useless. His feet slipped helplessly against the floor.

“Are you coming to bed?” Kimi asked.

“Eh... yeah.” Sebastian patted the couch for no reason.

“You have to sleep in the travel bed because you keep breaking out,” Kimi muttered to his son as he started walking up the stairs. He kept speaking softly in Finnish, and Seb watched him go, still holding on to his red toy car.

He tried to get up again, leaning forward and awkwardly shifting his weight. He would never be able to explain to Kimi what he’d been thinking, but he figured vowing to never drink again was a pretty good start.

\- The End -

**Author's Note:**

> All in good fun, as per usual. :)  
Thanks for the read! <3 Kudoses and comments will be given marshmallows for grilling!


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